========
To: wfover@nist.gov
Newsgroups: alt.surfing
Subject: Blood is thicker than Waves
From: wfover@nist.gov
Date: Mon, 07 Apr 1997 14:34:57 -0600

My sister called me the other night. After exchanging pleasantries we then
discussed her concern about Moms Foon's increasingly bizarre behavior:
"You wouldn't believe what she bought from the Psychic Evangelists
Shopping Channel Foonboy!"
"I don't wanna know, sis."
"You might as well, you're getting it for your birthday this year."
"Awww geee sis, gimme a break here."  Knowing this was not a social call I
said, "Ok, cut to the chase. What's up?"

She started her pitch by telling me that since my nephew and five of his
surfing buddies were graduating from High School this year, the parents of
one of the boys had offered to allow the group to use their oceanfront
beach house in Cape Hatteras for "Senior Week", providing they could find
a responsible adult to accompany them.
"Since every adult they knew just happened to be busy," she said,"as a
last resort, they decided to ask you."
"Thanks, I think."

"They figured you'd be perfect. You love to surf, you know the Hatteras
area, and you're semi-responsible."
"I'm semi-flattered." I said, dryly.

"We all want the boys to have a week of good, clean, responsible fun," she
continued, "so for the privilage of using the house here are the
conditions - No girls, No smoking, No drinking, and No parties."

"Well that pretty much disqualifies me sis, I do all of those -quite well
too."
"Look Foonboy," her voice rising to maintain control,"the boys need you to
be there so they can use the place, and I need you to be a good example. I
told the parents you could handle this. Do we have a deal?"

"Put the kid on," I said, "I want to go over the rules with him."

"Yo, Uncle Foon, whazzup? You wit da program?"
"Can the crap bub, it's me you're talkin' to. I want honest answers or
it's no deal. How many girlfriends are showing up?"
"Uh, four."
"OK, I can deal with that, where are they stayin'?"
"They'll be staying up the beach at another house, Uncle Foon, honest."
"OK bub, visiting is acceptable, there'll be no pajama parties. Next, how
many of your friends smoke?"
"Uh, three."
"There'll be no smoking in the house, no exceptions. OK, next. The first
one I catch drinking gets sent home immediately. The second one I catch
drinking, you all go home immediately, you understand?"
"I can assure you Uncle Foon," he giggled "you won't catch us drinking."
"That's what I'm afraid of kid, I won't catch you. You warn the others,
I've been where you guys are, I know all the tricks, and I've got radar
when it comes to sniffing out who's drinking. Finally, the most important
"What's that Uncle Foon?"
"No one cuts me off......................Hey kid, did you hear me?"
"Uh, sure Uncle, but that's gonna be a hard one to sell to the guys.
You're such a wave a hog."
"Life is tuff kid, that's the rule or no deal. Look, you can convince the
guys, they like you and Blood is thicker than waves, right?"
"OK, Uncle Foon, you gotta deal, seeya in June, and Pray for 'Canes!!"
"Right, now put your Mom back on."

"Hello Foonboy, what were you boys talkin' about?"
"Just the rules, sis. Let me get this straight. I get to stay for a week
in a big oceanfront house in Cape Hatteras for the 1st official week of
hurricane season, and all I have to do is watch over 6 hormonally
imbalanced teenagers?  And you're sure you want ME?"
"Yes, Foonboy, but I have a few conditions too."
"What's that?" (oh shit here it comes)
"On Sunday I want you to make sure all the boys go to church."
(God damnit!) "Gee sis, even if the surf is good?"
"Well yes, why not?"
"Look sis, you're gonna have to give me a little wiggle room here. How
'bout if the surf is really good we go to the Church of the Towering
A-Frame?"
"That's a curious denomination. Is it protestant?"
"Aquarian, something like the French Huguenots."
"Is it by the beach?"
"You could say that."
"Well I guess that's alright. You know Foonie, all those boys need to pray
more."
"I guarantee you sis, if it's a big day at the Church of the Towering
A-Frame, they'll all be praying a lot more.  Seeya in June."

God I love this job!!.

-Foondoggy

"I've never been drunk - but I've often been overserved." -George Gobel

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