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Newsgroups: alt.surfing
Subject: A "Speed Bumps" Revenge
From: Foondoggy <wfover@micf.nist.gov>
Date: 23 Aug 1996 15:23:12 GMT

Normally our local break is very laid back. Nearly everyone except a 
handful of locals is a tourist or visitor to our town. The aggrotude 
quotient is very low and wavesharing is the practice of the day.

I've been surfing and watching this street for 9 years and on any given 
day can tell you exactly what conditions will produce surf, and where the 
best lineup point is.  One is directly in front of the Foondoggy Surf 
Palace and it's my favorite spot.

During the last decent swell a crew of Joisey boys were on their way back 
from a trip to the Outer Banks and they stopped to check our waves. 
Conditions were good for the summer and they soon joined a few of us out 
in the lineup.  Immediately the vibe became one of competition and 
wavehogging. Now I can understand if you've made a long trip and gotten 
skunked the whole time, that the first time you find waves you want to 
ride 'em all. But being rude and selfish when there are plenty of waves 
(if you're patient) to share is just "Kookesque".

The boys all rode moderately sized thrusters and they all eyeballed me 
like I was some circus sideshow when they paddled out.  I am a curiousity 
I know - 46 year old man (freckled and burned) riding a big black 
bodyboard and wearing a ball cap. Who wouldn't look? Eventually they had 
snaked nearly everyone and had succeeded in ruining our friendly lineup.
After two blatent snakings I decided one of the worst of them needed to 
be visited by the Foondoggy Welcome Wagon.

Since I've got the break wired, I'm usually in position farthest toward 
the peak. Anyone going for a wave who looks back toward the peak will see
if I'm going for it - I'm not a small guy and I let people know if I am.
A set wave comes along and it's obvious to everyone I'm in the best 
position to get it. One of the Joisey boys decides to shoulder-hop even 
though I yell, "COMIN!!"  I'm well into the drop on the headhigh wave 
when he starts to go for it and begin his popup and turn. I can ram him 
or.....

With just a little pressure on my inside rail my drop speed sends me up 
to the top of the wave just as I'm passing in back of him and over his 
left shoulder. At this point he still hasn't seen me yet figuring I 
probably straightened out (I hate when they assume by snaking me I'm no 
longer going for the wave). Just as I'm even with his head I bellow, 
"DUCK ASSHOLE!!!!" in his ear, and for good measure let my outside fin 
slap him on his shoulder.

He collapses like a house of cards and I get a pretty good ride. As I 
paddle out he's waiting for me and says, "Next time watch where you're 
goin', Pops." (I hate when they call me PoPs.)  He's assuming here I have 
no control over where I'm going. I reply as I paddle by "If there is a 
next time, my friend, I won't be goin' around you. And Hey, on this beach 
that's 'Mr.Pops' to you." I can hear him mutter as I continue on "Fuck 
you old man." 

All of a sudden, I'm feeling pretty good. There was no more snaking that 
day.

-Foondoggy (No I'm not the surf police but every once in a while I like 
to be sure everyone plays nice.)